rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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