I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
