its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
