I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
