So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
