There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
