yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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