Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
