I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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