he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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