She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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