but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
