I don't think brook has ever known best
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
