She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
