apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
