therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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