i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
