I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
