I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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