i barfeds in our rink
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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