I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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