you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
