maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
