a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
