Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
