singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize