I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
