He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize