i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
