If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
