You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
