just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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