I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize