I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
