I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She's JV to your varsity
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
