if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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