i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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