Already got asked if we're dating
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
