I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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