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I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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