it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
