Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
