Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
