His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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