bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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