I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
