what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
