my mouth tastes like poor choices
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
