Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
