how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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