I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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