I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
