i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
