The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
