I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
