Screwed.edu
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize