He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
