he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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