He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize