from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
