I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
